March 8, 2012

A bit of a Quandary

It is two days before my wedding.  It would be entirely false if I told you I was completely calm and ready for this whole "I do" situation.  My mind is buzzing, buzzing I tell you!  I feel twitchy and anxious, but I should mention also very, very excited.  I have not slept much this week.  It is just nerves, people keep telling me.  It couldn't possibly be the copious amounts of caffeine I am consuming to try to counter the tidbit of anxiety and exhaustion I am feeling? Most definitely not, I confirm to myself. Possibly the cosmos disagree that this isn't the case, because this morning when I hurriedly went through the drive through for a much needed diet coke fix the drink I was given, I noticed after I had driven away, was most assuredly NOT diet coke.  It was a terribly disappointing start to my morning.  So there is still a sad drink in my car, full to the brim of sickeningly sweet syrup.  I just can not drink it, if it is not diet it is much too sweet.  I blame my mother, she is the one who introduced it to me, after all.

My thoughts keep finding themselves turning to the future.  It is a strange thing, the future.  I'm sure it is something we all consider often.  When I was a young girl I used to always try to picture myself as a "grown-up".  I wondered what I would look like, where I would work, and what kind of person I would be.  I think my childhood self would really like who I have become.  I mean, I am terribly fun and witty, I still have a slightly abnormal obsession with Disney princesses, and just yesterday I finished watching Justin Beiber's documentary Never Say Never.  Yes, take that and appreciate it childhood self.  It was pretty rad. (I even still use run-on sentences just to make you feel a little more comfortable around me).

When I pictured myself I never pictured myself past the age of twenty-one, and especially not married because that was simply too much for my nine year old mind to wrap itself around.  Do you see why this is a bit of a quandary?  I have never really thought about what is past this point in my life.  I mean, of course I vaguely contemplated the notion that I would one day be married and eventually have children and the whole familial sphere that comes with it.  But I should clarify, when I say vaguely contemplated, I mean the thought "Oh of course one day I'll be married" zipped through my mind for oh, maybe.... 2.897 seconds.  So I'm not really sure how to take these next steps.  No one ever taught me how to be married! 

I am a planner, through and through.  Also a list maker I should throw in.  I need a clear destination and a specific plan how to get there set in place.  Otherwise, I am a complete mess.  Just ask Bryce.  He teases me that I couldn't answer his proposal properly because I had not "planned" it as part of my day when it happened.  He is only a little right about this.

So I am making a plan as we go, starting a list from advice I have been given on how to be married:

*Hold hands often.  (Bryce is really good at this.  He probably just likes it because I put on lotion after every time I wash my hands.  So they are always really soft and smell good.  Yeah, I'm sure that's it, I would like it too.)

*A piece of toast does not quite cut it as breakfast for a strapping young man, even if it is completely sufficient for myself.

*Make serving each other your highest priority.

*Never speak negatively about your spouse or complain about them to anyone.

*Sometimes just pretend you think Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, or whatever is really cool.  It will teach him to pretend your clothes, design, and shopping magazines are cool also.

*Pray together.

*Say thank you often.

*Back tickles are included in the vows, I'm sure of it.

*Go on dates often, and, ahem, keep the spark in your relationship.

*Say I love you as much as you can and show it through your actions.

*Sometimes the unknown future, when it is discovered, is the most beautiful.

*Always remember that you knew without a doubt you were married to the right person, at the right time, at the right place.  So when times get hard you can fall back on this and know that you are able to get through it together.

I think this is a good starting point.  I at least have a plan for the next week.  Get married, honeymoon, move in to our apartment.  I can handle those things, past this point is a little hazy; hence the self-treatment through list making & planning.  If you have any advice feel free to share.  I'm sure we will need it and my list could use a few more bullets.